so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
