you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
