If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
