Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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