what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
