Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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