Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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