she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
