i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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