You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
