a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
