Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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