your room smells of hookers.
And success
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
