Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
