Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
