My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
