Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
