Quick, to the slutcave!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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