if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
