New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
