But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
