So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
