I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
