Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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