Only a mothe r could love this liver
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
