He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
