You made me cry and you don't even care
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
