Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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