the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
