Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
