I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
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