Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
