So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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