I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
