So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
