I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
