Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
