I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
