I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
