Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my being single is dangerous.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
