can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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