I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I won the penis lottery.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
NoShamevember. You game?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
