stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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