If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
