lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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