I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
