Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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