She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
