I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
