I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
