we're chasing vodka with high fives
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
